Hands Up

On October 13, 2008, Beyonce released “Single Ladies.”

All the single ladies (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies
Now put your hands up

Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh-oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

At first, this post was going to be about the social stigma of singleness…

…entering a fine dining restaurant, only to be seated in the back of the establishment.  Segregated. 

…encountering a sorority of married women, only to be faulted for setting high standards.  Shamed. 

…enduring church services, only to be excluded from conferences and retreats.  Suppressed. 

Now, though, I’m starting to see that maybe this blog…my life, our lives…are not about how society views marital status, but about how God wants us to view our relationship with Him—married or single.    

Think back to when you were a little girl in elementary school.  Do you remember wanting to be picked first for the dodgeball team (because you were a team player)?  What about that time when you finally knew the right answer in math (because you had earnestly studied)?  Or when you wanted the task of cleaning the chalkboard and dusting the erasers (because you had good conduct that week; and yes, I am green chalkboard old)? 

Remember what you did?  You raised your hand. 

You wanted to be picked.  You wanted to be chosen. 

In the school of life many years later, I found myself, with hands up, catching 2 bridal bouquets.  Although I’m in no way superstitious, somewhere deep inside, I still found myself hoping that this would signal the year that I’d be picked, that I’d be chosen.        

For many women, singleness has been a conscious choice.  For others of us, singleness has been just the opposite.  And oftentimes, well-meaning Christians cite the Apostle Paul as they remind us that singleness is a gift from God.  Understood.  But just as often, some of us want to tell God to take it back because we don’t want it. 

What about you?  Have you ever gotten a gift that you just didn’t like?  Of course you have.  But because you’re respectful, you plaster on a fake smile and say “thank you” like your mama taught you.  You can’t re-gift it; nobody else would want it either.  What are you going to do with it?  You’re a tad resentful.  This is not what you asked for.  This is not what you were expecting.  What was the giver thinking when they picked this out?!  What would make them think that you would want this?

That was my attitude toward the “gift of singleness.”  My perspective of singleness had been one of disappointment and discouragement.  And…so…I whined.  “God, You know that I’m a team player.  Surely You’ve seen me earnestly studying Proverbs 31 and the lives of the Titus 2 women You put in my life.  And good Christian conduct?  I have an A+ for sure.  I raised my hand.  I want to be picked.  I should be chosen.” My perspective. 

It’s only been recently that I decided to ask Jesus about His perspective.

But He didn’t take me to scripture — at first.  He took me to Beyonce.  “All the single ladies — Now put your hands up.”  Imagine that.

Hands up.  Worship.  Surrender.  Thanksgiving. 

Thanksgiving?  Yes, thanksgiving. 

Then He took me to scripture.  To the Hebrew.  “Yadah.”  “To throw out the hands or extend the hands in the giving of thanks as part of a worship experience.”  Lamentations 3:41.  Psalm 141:2; 143:6.  Job 11:13.  Imagine that. 

Finally, I’m starting to see how God has been working.  Just when I thought that my hands were up because I was throwing in the towel, God began to show me how He’s been preparing me.  I’m learning to genuinely thank Him for giving me the gift of self and for exceeding my own expectations.  I have experienced things and learned lessons that I never would have if I’d been married.  I’ve faced fears and taken risks.  Even in the cold, under the blanket of rejection and loneliness, God has revealed my capabilities and strengths. I see God protecting me, safeguarding my heart and fortifying my purpose.  I now view marriage from a place of complement, not completion.  He’s shown me that I’ve always been chosen and that my validation comes from that truth and not from my ringless finger.  He’s reminded me that even if my last name changes, my identity is secure. 

But most importantly, I’m learning to worship more intimately, aligning my heart with God’s will, surrendering to His design for my life.  I’m learning to put my hands up.   

My single sister, this Valentine’s Day, I encourage you to thank God for loving you enough to reserve your good and perfect gift until the time is right.  In the meantime, live.  Travel solo.  Go to a nice restaurant, eat a good meal, enjoy your own company.  Do your hair.  Buy a nice outfit.  Treat yourself to a play or concert.  Don’t limit your life or pause your potential.  Appreciate the gift of you.  Get to know Jesus.  Raise your hopes and your hands. 

Or maybe your expectation of God is for something totally unrelated to marriage.  Are you waiting for an answer to a prayer?  Do you have an unfulfilled desire tucked away in your heart?  If so, raise your hands to receive it.  The principle’s the same.  Worship in the wait.

PRINCIPLE: “Lift up your hands in the sanctuary, and bless the LORD.”  Psalm 134:2